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Stacy Makishi:
Remember your childhood. If you are from another country or city go back in time to a place where you felt at home.
What food makes you feel less homesick. Is there a favorite ‘food’ that can assuage homesickness? What would it be?
Go and prepare that food. Sit down and begin to eat this food. Fill your entire mouth with this food and with your mouth entirely full….I want you to sing the lullaby from your youth. I want you to try and perform three tasks at the same time:
Fill your mouth.
Chew and Eat.
Sing the words to a lullaby. (articulate it as best you can)
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Alastair MacLennan:
Place your mental attention in your tanden, or if it’s simpler, just focus on your breathing,
your inbreath, then your outbreath… repeating this for a few minutes, without trying to change the breath in any way…just noticing it…and allowing distracting thoughts to subside…then, mindfully, perform any action, no matter how long or short, giving total, experiential, mind/body attention throughout, (beyond conceptual thinking)…so you fuse, COMPLETELY, experientially, with the action.
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Giovanna Maria Casetta:
The Recipe for Collecting A Piece of Forensic Evidence
Ingredients
1 Pair of surgical latex gloves
1 Pair of tweezers preferably black
1 White disposal mask that covers the nose and mouth
1 Small clear plastic self-sealing bag
1 camera
1 Black waterproof multi surface marker pen
1 Bag – Large enough to hold all the other ingredients
1 space – Either inside or outside
Method
Place all the ingredients into the large bag. Select a space in which to conduct this action. Go to the space and on arrival, remove the mask from the bag and put it on. Now put on the latex gloves. Take out the camera and prepare it, ready to photograph. Walk around looking at the ground. When you see an interesting object. (This can be either animal, vegetable or mineral) photograph it at several different angles. (A minimum of three angles required ) Now remove the tweezers and the small clear plastic self-sealing bag, from the large bag. Using the tweezers carefully pick up the object and place it into the small plastic bag. Seal the plastic bag. Remove the pen from the large bag and using the pen write the date, time, place and a brief description of the object you have found onto the sealed plastic bag.
Result
Congratulations you have now successfully collected a piece of forensic evidence. Store and keep this evidence in a safe place, as you never know when it maybe required.
Thank you for completing this action.
Giovanna Maria Casetta
Artist
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Julia Bardsley:
The elements
fig.i. an animal trace
fig.ii. a grid
fig.iii. a sonic landscape by Andrew Poppy
fig.iv. a text by Rene Girard
fig.v. a lexicon of materials/objects
fig.vi. a defined colour palette
fig.vii. a live human body & a projected body
fig.viii. a ritual space
fig.ix. witnesses
fig x. the coexistence of all the above
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Martin O’Brien:
Make a tub full of home made gunge. Use 3 bags of flour, cold water and 2 bottles of green food colouring. Leave it to settle for at least two hours, stirring occasionally. Hold your breath and dip your face into it, stay under until you need to breathe. repeat this 30 times.
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The Famous Lauren Barri Holstein:
TASK:
Be a lady.
OPTIONAL ACTIONS:
1) Shackle yourself to a train track wearing a full-body bear suit.
2) Order a “lean cut of brisket” at the butcher and immediately devour the whole thing raw.
3) Faint (for real or faked) in the men’s public toilet (head should land inside urinal or toilet bowl).
4) Exorcise your demons. (Interpret as you wish.)
5) Piss your pants “by accident”.
6) This action can be done for real or faked:
a) If you have a uterus: Have sex with a stranger that can fertilize you; get pregnant; perform an abortion in public; charge £50 per spectator.
b) If you do not have a uterus: Have sex with a stranger that has a uterus; fertilize them (with your own or someone else’s junk); get them pregnant; give them a public abortion; charge £50 per spectator.
7) Tell strangers you’ve done number 6, but don’t really do it.
8) Sleep for 48 hours in a coffin in the woods.
9) Build a mechanical vagina and wear it over your mouth.
10) Just be YoUrSeLf. LOL no just kidding, please don’t ever do that, that’s disgusting.
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Helena Hunter:
Set yourself an impossible task. Try as hard as you can to complete it.
Make something out of the failure.
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Florence Peake:
Go to a space in nature alone and follow any movement of the body that arises for 1 hour.
One movement leads the next movement and the next and so forth. Continuous movement no matter how small, slow or dynamic it is, no matter where it is in space, lying, standing, crawling.
After an hour draw on a piece of paper for 10 mins.
Use the drawing as a score to make material from.
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Harold Offeh:
Performative acts and gestures in response to people, places and situations.
Definition of to perform*
Verb
1 carry out, accomplish, or fulfill (an action, task, or function):
2 present to an audience:
*Oxford English Dictionary
Task One: You must carry out, accomplish, or fulfill an action, task, or function in a specific place or location. Whatever action you perform must result in a trace, evidence, mark or record being left on one A2 sheet of paper. Think about materials and processes you can employ? Think about places and locations where this activity might happen.
Your actions can literally result in a direct trace or you can later document your activity on the A2 Sheet.
Task Two: You must then present your A2 sheet to an audience(s). It is up to you to define what that audience is? Please document this. This documentation can take any form.
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Mouse:
FUNNEL FUN…how to give your friend an enema.!
Today i am going to explain how you achieve the ultimate party trick and this is a task which certainly should’nt be used at a children or your nans xmas party by the way.The effluvia trick as i myself call it,effluvia meaning a fountain of water,needs the following ingredients for the recipe to be a success.
Ingredients for the FUNNEL FUN surprise.
1..A washing up bowl
2.A small funnel .one you would find in an average household
3.A large funnel
4.bubble bath or washing up liquid
5.A large sponge …used in the bath room not one you have icing
6.Hot water.not cold or warm but hot
7.Lube
Please use the exact ingredients and follow the instructions carefully
The idea of your party trick is to get as much water up yours/ friends anal regions (arse) and front passage( minge) before squirting it out over everyone in the room at your party .However,let me explain it is advisable that you only squirt from one orifice at one time unless you become an x-spirt
PUSSY -SQUIRTING
Obviously a trick that only females can perform,this trick is to do with air pockets,muscle action and giving your pussy a bit of a workout.The results can be very interesting if rehearsed properly and aimed at someones face maybe somebody that you particularly dislike,an ex boyfriend perhaps,maybe someones who owes you money or maybe some dirty faced fucker who needs a wash. As noted in the ingredients, we use two funnels and this is for safety reasons.The small one must always be used for the pussy only GIRLS BEWARE never use the bum funnel in the pussy as it could pass those bum germs and you’ll get poorly,not good.Always practice safe funnel fun.
METHOD FOR THE FUNNEL FUN SURPRISE.
Gently lie yourself down on your back ,probably on some fle- ridden pub floor,spread ya legs,knees up and insert the funnel( it’s obvious which way round)all the way into your eager beaver.OH and remembering to take off you’re knickers first to prevent complications.Before starting this wet procedure make sure you have your washing up bowl ,sponge and hot soapy water at hand because you dont want to hunting about with a funnel up your quim.Make sure the water is hot and not cold as it helps the pussy muscles to relax and squirting is made easier.Never use scolding hot water for obvious reasons and that’s me talking from a painfull experience that left me with burnt flaps and my assistant with early retirement.Now,fill up the funnel with water.OK girls here comes the tricky bit,suck in the water using your pelvic floor muscles and as you do clench your stomach muscles in hard.Try to do this as quickly as possible ,take the funnel out,then push the jet of water everywhere achieving the right consistency of a psychedelic fountain.Add strobe light for garnish and voila.
This is excellent for honey pot clearout and can be good for removing those lost grapes,bits of tampax and round up the stale forgotten spunk.
Round Two BUM FUN SURPRISE – the hard bit
NOTE: it may be advisable to try and get rid of a little bum gravy before you begin.Also known as colonic irrigation (sort of),if done well as a party trick,only water will shoot out of your back passage so dont worry boys and girls.
Method.
Go on all fours like a dog and shove the bigger funnel up ones arse,lube up hole if necessary.Again, to avoid complications remove your knickers,or Y-fronts as this is a unisex skill.I am thinking about running classes for the under seventies male,teaching them to master the act of effluvia fun,anyone interested? Lean forwards so your arse is up in the air,knees and head are on the floor (such romance).This time,suck in the air first and then using the sponge,sqeeze and suck in the soapy water a little at a time,and repeat until at least a pint of water is up your butt.Then quickly take out the funnel and push the water out and as you almost anally prolapse,aim and fire.Squirt the water everywhere BEHOLD an effluvia of holy anal water.AMEN. Spin around on all fours at the same time if you like to achieve a spectacular spiral effect to cover the whole room and everyone.Anyone for bum juice,yah? Two words of warning,always mind the dj’s equipment and make sure a toilet is nearby.If not all could turn pooey after your party trick as the whole of your dinner shoots out and your recipe for fun could turn into a recipe for disaster.
WRITTEN BY MOUSE (Rhonda Elmore) THE EFFLUVIA FLOOZIE.
PS. Enemas i’d like to do on someone
1) slim shady (emimem) just because it sounds good,eminemenema try saying that fast with a funnel up your arse.
2) All politicians because there so such tight arses
3) Kim Basinger because she probably has a nice Arse-hole.
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Noëmi Lakmaier
One Mile:
You’ll need:
-) 1 mile of twine/strong sting/wool (preferably colored), knot bits together if you can’t find one long enough.
-) 1mile long stretch to walk
-) at least half an hour of your time
Instruction:
-) knot twine/strong sting/wool together to make one mile if you
Can’t find one long enough
-) wrap twine/strong sting/wool somewhere around your body
(waist, arm, leg, neck etc. [you choose]
-) go to your chosen stretch of walk
-) tie the loose end of your twine/strong sting/wool to a
permanent solid object (tree, lamppost, etc.)
-) start walking in a direction of your choosing
-) let your twine/strong sting/wool drop as you walk
-) walk for one mile (until your twine/strong sting/wool comes to
an end)
-) tie the end of your twine/strong sting/wool to another solid,
permanent object
-) leave
-) clear your mind as you are walking, try to only think of the walk twine/strong sting/wool
-) talk to nobody
Variations:
-) walk backward
-) dress up for it
-) crawl on your hands and knees
-) do it naked
-) etc.; use your imagination
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Marisa Carnesky:
Magic Blood Dolls
A personal ritual performance act to bury your pain and invigorate your creative powers.
If you are a woman do this on the last day of your period. if you are a man do this on the first day of a new moon.
Get some flour, some eggs and some water, bind together and make a rough dough that becomes malleable and not too sticky.
Make a human shape according to the gender you feel that day, this could be male, female or both.
If you are a woman take a teaspoon of your menstrual blood and make a well in the dough doll and put it in. Then seal over with some more dough so the blood is sealed inside.
If you are a man ejaculate some semen and capture it in a jar. Make your figure and put a teaspoon in the dough figure and seal as above.
Brush the figure with egg as a glaze.
Bake in the oven until golden.
Put the Magic Blood Doll under your bed out of the reach of animals and sleep with it there until a new moon arrives.
On the new moon bury the doll in your garden or in a forest deep under your favourite tree.
Visit the site of your Magic Blood Doll on new moons to re energise yourself.
Make a new Blood Doll following the same process and bury in the same place to counter-act negativity and exhaustion.
When more than 7 blood dolls are collected and buried near each other place a stone with a red paint mark on it and find a new site to bury the new dolls.
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Dickie Beau:
Turn off your phone and go camping alone.
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Iona Kewney :
Move
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Áine Phillips:
1. Nominate a date, one year from now. This will be the ‘day of your life’.
2. Collect an elegant ensemble of clothes and accessories that you would not normally wear. Go to a hairdresser and ask for a completely different style. Dress in your special outfit. You have now become ‘another self’.
3. Meanwhile you have collected half egg shells from cooking or baking projects for one year (rinse them before long term storage). Transport them carefully in boxes to a public square or plaza. Arrange them (rounded side up) in an oval shape. This is a ‘lake of eggs”.
4. Ask a friend you love to assist you. They will be ‘beloved’.
5. On the best day of your life become your other self to create a lake of eggs. Float into the center of the pool. The shells will fracture. As you do this, try to explain aloud why you did a terrible thing once. Beloved is with you in all this and more. Leave behind only memories. If bystanders ask, explain the reason is to show how life is delicate, self is variable and love helps.
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